if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize