my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
