she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
