my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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