Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
