onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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