1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am one with the molecules
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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