he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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