He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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