No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
