you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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