He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
