I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
