i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
