I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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