If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
