# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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