Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
