just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
