Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
