I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
