The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
