my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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