I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
