I wish I could punch you in the face.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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