Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
