I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my poor anus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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