am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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