He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
