Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
