fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I could make wine with my vomit
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
