i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
