I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
