new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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