apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
