Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
