He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
