I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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