i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
