shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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