She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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