New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
