i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
