glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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