You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
