so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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