I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
