I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
