turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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