Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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