He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
