ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
