If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is my gift to your gina
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
