Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
