it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
