she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
