any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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