Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
