you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
