she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dick very happy bro
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
