apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
