when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
