I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This baby is an asshole
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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