Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
