i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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