when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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