I feel great
I just peed on a car
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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