we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
